Hospice

It has been two weeks now since the doctor made the decision that Milo be evaluated for Hospice care.   This referral occurs when both the doctor and Hospice Medical Director make a statement that the patient’s presumed life expectancy is about six months or less.   Hospice care is for comfort and not curative care.

A social worker was the first one to arrive and she spoke to me of many things including the fact we could always change our minds and have him admitted to a hospital.   Hospice provides compassionate services and level of care as ordered by a physician that Milo would need twenty-four hours per day.  A Registered Nurse case manager was assigned and Milo’s personal caregivers continued their vigil.  A Hospice Chaplain is also available to provide support.

If Milo’s end-of-life journey wasn’t so sad and, at times, simply unbearable I have to admit that nature serves the human spirit well and I found I could laugh through my tears.

Several days after a hospital bed was delivered, Milo requested an audience with my sons Andrew and Paul.   I just knew in my gut that the love of  my life would want to tell them to look after me, their mother.   The young men crept into the quiet room and in a voice that was clear and lucid he said “Would you run down to B and B’s and buy me a steak and cheese sandwich?”   The closest they could come to that request was a hamburger of which he ate a sliver.

Milo started to become agitated and he would try to get out of bed, I was assured that this was a part of his ‘letting go’ and the Hospice team told us that this often indicates the patient has ‘unfinished business.  What that could possibly be, I just don’t know.

It was a few days after the Hospice team arrived that he thought he was in the hospital and he would ask me why our dog, Rider, was allowed into his room.   I reassured him by saying we had got special permission for this treat.  He would look around his room in our house but didn’t recognize the contents.   He then moved his soul to Florida and told me that Disney World was just down the road from our motel and would I hurry up and pack our bags so we could get back home to California and would I please drive the first three-hundred miles.   He even asked Paul to check the oil in the car.   One day he told me to remove the photos in his room and wrap them in a blanket.   At first I thought it was because he couldn’t stand the eyes in the photos staring at him in his moments of distress, but now I think he wanted to make sure that they wouldn’t be left behind when we returned home.

A few days ago, I told Milo we were back in California and since then he has slipped a little further on his journey.   He has now become unresponsive but we continue to talk to him and sometimes when I kiss him on the lips,I am sure there is an answering pressure .

Today, my beloved husband was taken off all pills and put on liquid morphine to ease his suffering.   I think it is time to say ‘goodbye’; how soon, I don’t know. I just know you will understand the sorrow I feel but I needed to tell my readers of his brave journey; one full of courage, love and constant humor.  You have followed his journey from October 2004 to the present time and I trust my words have helped in some way.

Please hold Milo close to your hearts and keep him in your thoughts and prayers.